sneak peak of new toon, and help needed!

I started making a new cartoon a few days ago which can be seen here in it's current incomplete state. I have come across various problems.

1 - I don't want to use dialogue because i feel it would spoil the atmosphere
2 - how do you tell a good story and make it funny, without dialogue?
3 - the car bit looks rubbish :3

so, if you can help with any of those problems, let me know, or if you just want to give some Constructive Criticism, let me know :D

http://spamtheweb.com/ul/upload/210508 /32238_the_one_with_that_man_in_it.php

there's the link again, just incase ^^

sneak peak of new toon, and help needed!

Comments

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AdamHyde 2008-05-21 06:09:02

You are using sigur ros. The best band in the world. HI 5!!!

I think your right about the no dialog thing but, to make it easier you should story board ahead. make sure you know where youre going.

Pm me when its finished.

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-21 06:09:02

I am indeed, i thought Sigur Ros would fit nicely :D i want to plan ahead and make a story, but how can i make a good story without dialogue, that's the problem. I will pm you :)

FlukeDude 2008-05-21 15:28:57

I can see those graphics in a game...

And if you want to know how to make comedy without dialogue, think of Gromit in Wallace & Gromit. And silent movies.

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-21 15:28:57

yea, i don't have a clue about games though, so maybe if i team up with a programmer after this movie. and yes, i forgot about Gromit, i used to watch them so much as a child :D

Rammer 2008-05-21 22:45:32

wow! i love the art style. it's so simple and yet, it looks amazing! the music is really nice, too. its minimalistic sound really goes well with this equally minimalistic piece. i also love the color schemes for each different area.

the trees look really nifty, too.

overall, pretty much frigging brilliant.

regarding the story, just look to the Another Day series. that doesn't have dialog, right? try using thought bubbles. or, right off the bat, show the viewer the story. like, someone steals his cake (which, in this case, is certainly NOT a lie) and this shows his quest to get it back.

also - please, please, PLEASE don't use that cake idea

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-21 22:45:32

Exactly what i was aiming, for, thanks :D and i was actually thinking of using the cake idea until i read the last part :D lol, but yea, thanks for the help.

Rammer 2008-05-21 22:47:54

oh, and by the way, the car looks groovy.

can you send that font you use to my email? it's clan2kroolz[at]gmail[dot]com.

kthx.

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-21 22:47:54

k, thanks, the next scene that isn't included here looks a bit better with the car :) it's got some bridges that it goes under with some nice 3D ish effects. ^^ and i will send the font now.

pvt-blasto 2008-05-22 07:14:58

hmmm, i found this very compelling,

i think you should use tiny illistrations over their heads to show what they are saying...

like a tiny animation, but in a style completely seperate from the rest of the cartoon....

just thinking on it now, you could have a really rough looking drawing over their heads ...

like a tiny scrap of paper would be the bubble for the animation and youd have the animation with scratchy looking stick figures on the scrap illistrating what they are saying...

i could show you what im talking about if your interested...

another idea is you could just use face motions to signify things.. its a bit of tweaking, but you can make a simple motion mean anything and if done right, everyone will understand exactly what you are trying to say!

one last idea, is instead of having the actual characters talk, you could narrate the whole thing.... the music and feel of the whole thing sounds like a narration kind of story... and when you want the characters to talk, just use the narrators voice, like its part of the story...

pm me if you like, im not very busy :P

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-22 07:14:58

thanks for the help, i like the sound of the first idea, of having a sort of scribbly drawing showing what they think, and i am planning on using facial animations too. However, i think if i find a very simple story that's entertaining, the story could be shown through actions without any aid. Apart from facial animations. Thanks again.

Chymo 2008-05-22 08:09:15

I don't think the voices spoil the atmosphere at all, helps make it cheery. The car bit is a bit unexciting, but if you work at it you can make it better. I have no idea what the stroy is about and thats where I think it falls short at the moment. Try and express it a bit more.

Oggy-cheese 2008-05-22 08:09:15

that's the point, i have no story! I need one :S

Jacobocho 2008-05-29 20:43:19

Cool, I like the atmospheric affect. I think for a story you should make a evil blob that turns everything black and gray using a evil machine and then the to main characters will go and save the world by ummmm... you know ummm... saving the world. Then everything will be happy again. Ya, also nice music. I finally got sound on my computer so YES!

Frax 2008-07-10 12:12:32

The car looks fine, but the weird creature in that scene on the background looks weird, i would delete him.

Looking forward to the final animation.

Good luck :)

ZekeySpaceyLizard 2008-07-29 01:45:14

i loved it sooooo much